I know! He’s dragging it out…
Wednesday I felt calmer - not sure if that was because it’s hard to stay on high alert all the time, or because I had a swim planned and something to focus on once awake. I did a longer swim, partly because I have a distance swim booked in the future, and partly because in the water no one could contact me and so everything was theoretically fine.
We visited Thursday. The nurse came out and said it would be a good idea for him to be on a syringe driver - I know informed consent is essential generally speaking, but I’m not sure asking someone who is hallucinating left right and centre is actually the best idea. But he agreed. She also asked him if he knew how ill he was, and when he said he didn’t understand what’s been going on, she basically told him he doesn’t have long left.
The whole visit was hard. I always want to just turn on my heel and ‘nope’ it out of the room. In some ways it was harder with my husband there because I was almost seeing it all fresh through his eyes (last time he saw my dad a couple of weeks ago he was able to walk and stand). Usually I can push the feelings down and cry later but this time I just kept snivelling.
We were both able to say our goodbyes, without explicitly saying it might be the last time. Dad said he would miss my husband <ooof>. The nurse laid out all the end of life medications and wrote down which numbers my mum should call when.
She told my mum it’s a matter of days - certainly under a week. The district nurses will come out twice a day and give him medication and review.
Friday mum said they’ve increased the dosage - so essentially they slowly send him off.
So now we wait.
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